Pure Nature
I find where there is a lot of “light,” there’s more room for illusion. Without it, we have only ourselves. If we cannot sit with that, and embrace all of it, welcoming all of it…
Seeing without seeing, being without performing, we can finally rest and stop seeking, and from that dark soil create something beautiful.
It’s not the other way around. It’s not the light that changes us. It guides us when we’re ready, when we’ve done the work in the shadows. But I find often we dance in reflections of light, creating a “perfect landscape,” a comforting place, making us believe we’re already at the end—somehow we’re touching heaven without doing anything. It’s like we build sand castles to play in while the sky is overcast. It’s play. It’s a crumbling illusion.
We tell others to come play, or buy what we have: nothing concrete. A sandbox of children, singing songs and playing dress up. There’s nothing “wrong” about that, but I’ve found myself wanting to leave the shore, returning home—to me—what feels richer and more real. Something completely, solely my own. Not an ideal I’ve tried to embody, but one I’ve always been and am learning to love, again.
I ran toward the light because I was afraid. I denied my true path because I thought I saw something “better.” Better doesn’t mean it's for me.
Better doesn’t mean I have to do it; spread it like the word of God. That is not a dream. My dream, ideally, is to create and display what I find beautiful, and to live it through the raw materials of my own human existence.
Not a perfect set of rules I must follow, but me, myself, and—and nothing else.
So, what does that look like? It looks like not doing anything I’m not inspired by, doing anything because I think I should or because I feel obligated to. I can’t bring myself back into that world of “shoulds.” I can’t. I must utilize my energy to share what I truly believe in.
Maybe that means standing by my vision and if I cannot create or express myself authentically I cannot be part of it (as selfish as that may seem from some perspectives), because ultimately, I would only poison it with my unconscious and conscious resistance.
Often, when I feel this, I wonder if I should seek for the “right environment,” but the eternal doesn’t matter anymore. It’s inside where I find—where we all find—inspiration.
It is once we remove the sterilization of who we are, that we can create the most divinely perfect work—as we are, as we were born; as our heart has deeply desired before it was shut down, influenced or closed in order to survive this world.
We create our own escape through projected illusions of beautified faith—but there is no escaping ourselves.
We must get to know it all and end the erasure we inflict upon our pure nature—which contains all light and all darkness.
