I will love you as you are.
I had a dream this morning that played out all the reversals in roles of the divine masculine and feminine. The runner-chaser dynamic and everything else in between, but what was most profound for me was recognizing how I put others needs before my own, how I mold into what others need instead of standing in my own truth and power.
It’s too easy to sway how I feel, to follow the ideas of others until I realize it's not what my heart wants so I turn back or I am filled with regret for not stating what I really wanted in the first place, but I don’t know what I want in the first place, so I get confused as to what to say, as to who I am and what I want.
What parts do I hang onto and what parts do I let die and evolve?
How can I stay in my truth and also choose love?
What is selfish and what is unconditional?
What selfish acts are divine and what are purely ego?
Stepping back into my core I love what I love, and that is what I grew up with. To witness the undying eternal love of Chinese mythologies, I felt that deep in my soul and I still do.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s too tragic, if it’s ridiculous to believe in, that my love can last for one person for a long time and for infinite lifetimes. And I think maybe...maybe. I can’t know for sure.
In the dream I offered space to my one true love thinking this is love too, to give you space, to offer you the option to leave me if it makes you happy, but how confusing is that? Because then you believe I don’t care either way, when really I’m putting your happiness before my own, but if we are one soul then we want the same thing.
I have to bravely choose. I can’t wait around for you forever. I have to choose what I want and know that you’ll meet me there. I will love you as you are. All I ask is you love me as I am. That is true love. But I’m allowed to love myself first just as you do, and take whatever time you need, just as I will. But I’ll wait for you to make that choice, and until you do I’ll keep doing me as I have been and I continue to.
After burning away all the anger, the resentment and everything my ego needed to process, underneath I just love you so much. And that’s my truth. It always has been but I didn’t say it enough. I didn’t tell you how I really felt, what I really thought. I played it cool so I wouldn’t scare you, but I was scared myself.
The strongest force in this world is love. What else motivates us? Drives us? What else can pull two lovers through time and space to find each other again? We keep moving towards the light, we keep moving on through life in hopes that we’ll meet again. Union is the ultimate goal.
