The Law of Correspondence in Relationship
Clearing the Fog of Blame & Unworthiness
In our search for greater understanding of the world around us, we often find ourselves caught up in debates over differing opinions and interpretations of events. It can be frustrating when we feel like we're not making progress, like we're talking past each other.
But what if there was a way to bridge that gap, to find common ground and understanding even when we disagree?
That's where the law of polarity comes in. By recognizing that everything has two sides, we can begin to understand the bigger picture and see how those two sides are related. How when understanding something at the micro level, the fundamental factual science-based level, we can begin to understand and accept the macro, the bigger ideas, the things that we often disagree about, the topics where people argue them to be opinion-based versus fact.
And it doesn't stop there. If we accept the law of polarity, we can begin to recognize how the micro and the macro mirror each other, presenting a timeline of evolution that goes on and back and forward to meet each other in the center forever. So, I want to continue this theme of the universal laws, and touch on another called—
The Law of Correspondence.
The law of Correspondence takes things one step further, showing us how the patterns that we see throughout the universe repeat on both a grand scale and a personal level. As above, so below – what happens outside of us is reflected within us, and vice versa.
The Law of Correspondence emphasizes the importance of recognizing that patterns repeat throughout the universe, that our external reality is a mirror of what is happening inside of us. It encourages us to take responsibility for our lives and to view challenges and difficulties as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. This concept is beautifully summed up in Kaiser's mantra, "it's happening for you, not to you."
Kaiser reminds us that if our external reality is chaotic and fearful, it is because we carry chaos and fear within us. Similarly, if our life appears calm and grounded, it is because we feel peace within. However, this is not meant to be a source of shame or self-blame. This is not to say that it's your fault that for some reason the world isn't working—because of me, because of you. Rather, it is an invitation to look within and explore the underlying causes of our experiences.
By taking a step back and asking ourselves why we are seeing certain patterns and experiencing certain emotions, we can gain valuable insights into our inner world. As we witness that we can ask ourselves, “Why am I seeing this?” And not only why am I seeing this, but why am I frustrated with it? “What does this person, place, subject, topic, have to make me feel so afraid—resistant, anxious?”
Why? Because there is a “why,” that we can give an answer to. This allows us to regain a sense of control and agency over our lives, rather than seeking external validation or a source to blame. It makes me think of when people say “you must answer to these crimes…” You must answer to justice, whatever it is, there’s this need to ask for an external source to come to absolve something we personally feel upset by.
How do we answer that ourselves? We ask ourselves, and we give the power back to ourselves by saying, “Why is this showing up for me?”
In his latest book, Beyond Order, Jordan Peterson delves deeper into the idea that the internal reflects the external. He offers 12 rules for life, with the third rule exploring this topic in depth.
“Do Not Hide Unwanted Things in the Fog”
Why not?
Peterson encourages us to examine their own lives and to see how their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions impact the world around them.
“Extracting useful information from experience is difficult. It requires the purest of motivations. Things should be better, not worse. To perform it properly, it requires the willingness to confront error forthrightly and determine at what point and why departure from the proper path occurred. It requires the willingness to change. Which is almost always indistinguishable from the decision to leave something or someone or some idea behind. Therefore, the simplest response imaginable is to look away and refuse to think while simultaneously erecting unsurmountable impediments to genuine communication.
It's easy to hide our unwanted emotions, fears, and problems in the fog of our unconscious mind. We often avoid facing these issues and hope that they will go away on their own. However, this approach is counterproductive and can hinder our growth and development. To live a fulfilling life, it's important to confront our problems head-on and meet with resolution.
When we hide our unresolved issues in the fog, we carry them into our relationships and invite others to explore the thorny woods with us. The fog is our unconscious, our sadness, our emotions—the depression that can seep into our environment and deplete our life force, debilitating our energy in order to continue growing, expanding. When we have these sharp, hidden objects in the fog and we’re not willing to take a look at it, it solidifies in our consciousness, becoming fact.
Then, we invite others to enter the thorny woods, to rescue us, to fight, to know us, be with us, and yet we don't do it ourselves often enough. So when someone isn’t willing to go through the obstacles you’ve set up, the hidden parts that remain in the fog, you feel it’s impossible to love again. You say that they didn’t try hard enough, that they weren’t worthy and the feeling becomes despair.
If someone who says they love me can’t do it, how can I? If I’m not willing, how can anyone love me? It’s a double-edged sword, because we can choose to stay alone, believing it’s easier that way, because truly, you don’t want to work on those things. Or you let yourself enter a relationship, but you refuse to take responsibility for anything that happens in the relationship, believing it was their weakness, that they weren’t tough enough. You hold onto that foggy kingdom, grip onto it, allow it to spread across the lands so that everyone joins you in your state of isolation and disappointment. We warn each other, we put up the flags, saying do not enter, or to be weary of trespassers. Now everyone can understand, because they’re with you, in the same fog. This excuses us from having to do anything about it at all.
What can we do, and why is this important? Why is it important to understand?
We must take accountability for the difficulties we present in our relationships and work with others. The resistance is in power, believing that you’re “giving your power away,” but isn’t it more powerful to face it? “This person isn’t giving me what I want. It’s their fault.” What do you actually want? Are the ideals you hold for the relationships something you live, breathe and fulfill, yourself? In some way, it isn’t…because here you are, feeling dissatisfied. Notice how you’re feeling, and why. If anything, do the work for you. Do it for yourself, most of all.
You have the power to shift it all.
Compassion is also important when dealing with our own issues and the issues of others. We must understand that everyone has their own thorny woods and foggy kingdoms. By acknowledging and supporting each other, we can find the courage to face our fears and overcome them together.
There’s no damsel-in-distress. You are the queen or king of this kingdom, and maybe you’ve grown okay with it. You’re protected. You’re in your power. I get the image of Malificent, when she captures Sleeping Beauty and the prince has to enter the thorny woods to rescue her. If we focus on Malificent, we know that she seeks power, in beauty, in youth, and it that is enough for her. But she wouldn’t have this insatiable thirst for power if she had love. She wouldn’t be so disappointed all the time, because love keeps defeating evil. And it sounds too simple, to say that we can eradicate evil with love…
Peterson further elaborates on how the world is full of hidden dangers, obstacles and opportunities. So to leave everything hidden in the fog because you’re afraid of the danger you may find there will be little help when fate forces you to run headlong toward what you’ve refused to see. You’re the one searching, and you’re the one lost, hurting yourself in the fog.
To get out, we have to go through the same path that we desire others to go through for us—let's move away from the need for love and connection for a second. Say you're someone who's really independent. You think, “I'm okay here. There's no rush.” Sure, that's true. There's no rush. Just do it when you can.
But knowing—understanding exactly where you are, consciously, versus allowing the landscape (your unconscious) to grow, to sharpen its threats as you stand idle. Imagine that this landscape is underground and the thorny branches begin to grow onto the surface of your conscious waking life. They’re like prickers scattered across a grassy field, and you're walking on them, stepping on them, and you're irritated and you're like, where did all these thorny pricks come from?!
Why do I keep stepping on them? That's what happens when you don't understand why… Remember, accept, own up to your part, and understand that it is what it is. It's not something that needs to be changed. It is a gift, a mirror.
This path allows us to see parts of ourselves that maybe we didn't want to see.
Sometimes it feels so scary or it could be beautiful. Sometimes people are afraid of seeing the most beautiful parts of themselves too. Sometimes we need others to tell us that, to believe it, but it doesn't change anything. To have the accolades of a million, to have the deepest words of admiration and acknowledgement from our closest friends and family, it doesn't change how we feel about ourselves on the inside. It doesn't change the landscape.
There’s a tendency to assume that everyone else must be the same, “everyone else must be judging me just like I'm judging them.” Everyone else must be feeling spiteful, or scheming, or however it is that you feel you are. You allow others to fill those shoes.
Everyone's landscape is really so different, but we endure similar journeys, similar feelings. It's like destiny has a specific geometrical shape and we move through this structured ride, but there are the nets and webs in between that we weave that vary. It’s never the same.
Understanding that our external reality is a mirror of our internal, we can begin to slowly untangle the knots that lead to frustration, pain and separation.
We open ourselves up to the opportunity of joy.
As within, so without.
